Sunday, September 8, 2013

Dragon Age II Review

Dragon Age II Review

August 7, 2013 at 3:22am
I never reviewed any game before, rewrote…yah, but not this. Well, here I’m: Dragon Age II is an excellent game, well, to me, I felt horrible after finishing it. Although it has a few dragons playing no major roles, Dragon Age II brought a new world of adventure.
2 years back, I brought dragon age origin, played for 2 hours and broke the DVD after uninstalling it. Well, it’s because, it was a utterly crap combination of third person and strategy. Great idea BioWare! I mean, I loved mass effect but dragon age brought BioWare to the knee! To me at least, so I stopped dragon age. There were tons of thing in my hand. And two weeks back, after finishing Kingdom of Amalure, a great rpg…..I was stunned. There was nothing to play. End of the World!!!!!
Well not exactly, Alim saved the day, called me and said….play dragon age II. I was like…dragon age??? Nooooo noo fuckin way….first game was a disaster. But, needed to survive as the crap hsc result was on me. So I installed it, played it for half an hour and realized, woh! This is nothing like the first! I was suddenly back with geek glasses.
The first thing that got me was the graphics. This wasn’t as good as skyrim but, it defeated Kingdom of Amalure, Dark Souls, DmC and Tomb Raider. You can actually see the sun reflecting on your warrior armor! Next was the gameplay, I must admit, it pinned me down to the chairs for lasting 34 hours! Nights after nights! I won’t spoil, but it was good. It felt like I was playing mass effect 3 again, only with arrows and magic. I liked the dialogue system a lot, it’s a BioWare signature. Every dialogue that you choose has severe good or bad consequences. Again, just like mass effect.
Unlike Commander Shepherd, the lead character of this game, ‘Hawke’ is jollier. The male Hawke in my opinion was the best joking character. As you progress, you find more likable companions and also, weird pathetic ones. Verric is a blond dwarf which I liked most. Fenris and Anders are pain in the ass characters. There are mad characters like Carver or Merril. Maybe most loyal characters I find is Bethany and Anders, but Anders annoyed a lot. Not to mention his alter fuckin ego blowing up the whole palace killing the queen.
The missions are great, especially main story missions where you must make brutal hard choices for greater good. OR, stay with the obvious one and fuck the greater good. There are 3 large, I mean, LARGE main missions (each reaching up to 4 hours in hard mode) and lots of side and companion missions. The rewards are satisfying and best because it ends you up nothing buying from the shops. Side missions provide good stuff!
Well, I would have given the game a 9/10 but the thing I feared came alive after playing a while. BioWare never, I mean NEVER gave a good satisfactory romance option. What’s wrong with BioWare? Even skyrim has good looking characters to romance or marry but…let me put it this way,
Bioware fucked up with mass effect, why? Because in the romance option for male shepherd, either you choose a stubborn pain in the ass character Ashley, or a blue Alien with heads of octopus. I hated Liara T’soni, and her blue alien race in the whole series. Hell shes too blue!!!!! :\  in mass effect 2, its either a Genetically created specialist Miranda, made on the image of yvonne strahovski, the famous actress from chuck, sarah walker. Well I liked her, till I saw Dexter! OH MY G! Why?????????????????????Fuck!!! I hated HannaH Mckey, the worst attitude ever. Even our bad mouthed Debra Morgan seems tons of better than her. So, Miranda of mass effect was out of the equation. It left shepherd with two options. Either he becomes gay, or choose Tali Zohra vass Normandy. I admit tali has a great figure, but shes out of the equation. You ask me why? Why…..it’s because throughout the WHOLE fucking 3 mass effect games, SHE………………DOESN’T……………SHOW……………….HER………………………FUCKIN…………………..FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAH Bioware Wah!
Got nothing to say of mass effect 3, its even worse. So it takes me back to Dragon Age II. I felt good about it at the beginning, but soon realized, its romance system is fucked up, just like mass effect.
As male Hawke, you have only two romance partner. One is Merril, another is Isabela. Merril is so skinny…..sooo skinny you would feel pity instead of boner. That leaves the player to Isabela. A pirate! Well, I really have no intention to get my character fucking STD!!! out of the equation. For Female Hawke, either you choose Anders, Sebastian or Fenris. If you choose Anders, you are screwed  coz you have to kill him later. If you choose Fenris, you are again screwed coz, he doesn’t understand EVEN A LITTLE JOKE! That’s the worst kind of attitude I’ve seen to this day. Sebastian is a dlc character, you wont get it unless you buy dlc. The only good looking character I find is Bethany and Meredinth. Well guess what, bioWare just squeezed the player as these good looking characters, Bethany is Hawke’s sister and Meredinth is freaking fucking Main bitch Villain of the game! Wah bioware wah!
I really wanted to give this game a GPA 5, but bioware ceased it with crap romance option. What good it is if the lead character can’t romance? The ending of Dragon age II was okay; it had no deep roots like mass effect, so I liked it. Overall, here’s the result:
Gameplay: A+
Graphics: A+
Sound Effects: A+
Background music: A
Dialogue: A+
Choices: A+
Story: A+
Side Missions: A+
Game Length: A
Romance: B
Ending: A
Result: GPA 4.49
It though earned my respect coz, this game pinned me down in front of pc for hours. I suggest you to go, now, buy it, it’s only 50 bucks, go and start playing. Great game guys, Great game. Adios!

Bioshock Infinite Review

Bioshock Infinite Review

August 9, 2013 at 10:18am
Me: yah boom boom boom pew pew soap got stabbed. General Shepherd took the revolver, was about to shoot soap, and then, comes captain price. He distracts Shepherd long enough, soap pulls the knife out of him meanwhile. As Shepherd knocked Captain Price unconscious Soap aimed for Shepherds head, then …..
Comstock: Asshole you’re suppose to do Bioshock Infinite review, not call of duty :\
Me: Why?
Comstock: Jeez somebody kill this guy
Elizabeth: Booker catch
Me: wait a second, you’re Booker?
Comstock: I’m warning you boy, do it now or die [he pulls put shotgun]
Me: Is that a shotgun? Oh my god somebody can get hurt you freak!
Comstock aka Dewitt aka Booker: Evil doer, die devil die! [boom!]
*******////////*******
Well I suggest not doing stupid acts in front of any characters of bioshock infinite. They seem a total psycho at the beginning, not to mention the main character Booker Dewitt. I started playing this game the day before yesterday and finished it yesterday. Long 14 hours wasn’t walk in the park as you can see in bioshock infinite poster.
I do have to mention something, this review is full of spoilers, but I suggest you read it before playing, coz its gonna make some sense of the bioshock world, which one would never understand while playing.
Booker Dewitt is the main character. He gambled, and lost. Was in a lot of debt. He went to a priest, for purification. This is where the turn event took. Let our universe be A and our parallel universe be B. [it would be so easy if you watched Fringe] In A, booker at the last moment didn’t take purification. In B, he took it; he took a new name, Comstock. Comstock for some reason was potent and Booker owned a daughter Anna. Comstock built an empire floating in mid air by the means of quantum levitation. Booker drank and drank, and drank. Comstock needed an heir for the vast empire he created. He didn’t have a child, but Booker had. So he pretended as one of the gambler and asked booker to give his daughter and wipe away the debt. Booker, drunk, agreed. At the last moment, he realized what terrible thing he has done, he sold his own daughter as money, and he ran, to grab her back. But it was too late, Comstock took away Anna, gave her a new name, Elizabeth. Meanwhile, two individual representative of each universe, the Luteces saw the horror Booker and Comstock created by crossing universes. They wanted to end this cycle. They took drunk Booker and wiped out his memory. They asked to Booker to find Elizabeth, as a part of Bookers so called job. That’s where the game begins, as Booker Is transported to universe B, to Comstock’s world. The rest I won’t say, play it yourself. I am a helper guys! Read it and play, if not, you’ll feel like me: whaaaaaaaaaa da fffuc? Is the building floating? Am I dreaming? Who is this guy? Whose that? Is that a bird? Wow Handyman! What have I done soooooo bad that they are attacking me? What the HELL IS HAPPENING! FUCK! (oi what kind of roller coaster is that?)
Bioshock Infinite BAD ASS game guys. The gameplay is soo awesome, sooooo awesome it will eventually make you forget Call of Duty. Last time I had an emotional boner like this is when I finished battlefield 3. It is a heavy first person shooter. You control Booker, he uses only 2 weapons at a time and most are of WWI era. Is that a carbine? Or Kalashnikov? I’m confused. And, you not only control booker, you also control this BRILLIANT AMAZING AI Elizabeth. Elizabeth has space time tearing power, which is very much useful in the game. She creates barriers, covers, hooks to hang onto and brings auto turrets. This AI is so awesome that u don’t even have to worry about her as the never stands between gunfire. Rather, she is the one who randomly supplies with ammo, medicine and more important, blue salts, which is a bioshock signature.
Enemies AI are good too. They often flank you and trust me; you don’t like to get a hug from handyman! Enemies often come with large floating ships, which you can either choose to destroy or actually be there and finish all of them.
The game is linear but I felt very open here.  The battlefields are usually very large so that you can either choose sniping them or killing them with deadly melee blow. The buildings are floating, and you can eventually change your position from one building to another. Yah, see that call of duty….you are screwed!
The game is so awesome that I hardly find any complains, but there are some. I really don’t like boss fights, but I don’t know, maybe bioshock infinite needed some boss battles at the end of the day. Not to mention the GIANT BLOODY MACHINE BIRD, which I wanted to destroy, but, Elizabeth killed it. What? It should be booker killing it that could have been one hell of a battle.
Oh there was one hard hell of a battle, it’s when you kill Elizabeth’s moms spirit or whatever. The frame rates kept dropping and I found shooting some innocent cute enemies instead of the spirit. And the last battle on the ship. I mean, WHO DA FUC PUTS THE CORE OPEN LIKE THAT? I died 3 times there :\ I didn’t die a single time throughout the whole game but the last battle was a disaster. Hmm, the bird helped though.
The story of bioshock infinite is holy confusing at the beginning and also throughout the whole game. But you get it all at the end, and trust me, its Amazing. I didn’t cry but I was about to. I mean, The post credit scene where you hear Anna crying on the crib, realizing they all lived happily ever after was one of the best ending I’ve seen in many years. :’)
At the end of the day, Here’s the gpa
Gameplay: A+
Story: A++
Graphics: A+
Sound Effects: A+
Backgroud Music: A+
AI: A+
Game Length: A+ (14 hours!)
Side missions: A
Ending: A+
Dialogues: A+
I never saw any strong characters like Elizabeth for a long time. She was awesome and adorable throughout the whole game. And you actually get attached to the story as the relation between Booker and Elizabeth gets warmer.  I really liked Bookers voice acting. So that earned the game a GPA5! HURRAH! It’s a requested review. I suggest you buy the game, I don’t care how many bucks it is but it is one hell of a adventure you don’t wanna miss. Eid Mubarak!
[here’s the link to bioshock infinite’s theme song, sang by the voice actress of Elizabeth, the voice actor of booker is the guitarist here. Check this out (: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZGOsSc5t_c)   booker used to sing this to Elizabeth aka Anna when she was baby :’)]
Heres the link of trailor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yf_FuFFrWLw
Adios

Journey To The Parallel Universe!

1. Death warrant:
Okay, a tough call, i don’t even know why I'm writing this, but I must admit, the book: "Parallel Worlds; A Journey through Creation" by Michio Kaku inspired me to write this small para.

Things you need to know and before proceeding and things you might not know actually, there's a long history of time, but I'll be brief:
1. The big bang happened either because of the collision of two parallel universes, or splitting of one universe into two.
2. The universe is racing towards a cosmological apocalypse and the velocity is at constant increase.
3. The universe is expanding, and the the acceleration of expansion isn’t uniform rather at an increase. (Which is exactly the same thing I told in 2)
4. If the total timeline of universe is expressed within a year than we are in february 23rd. by the end of november 30, there will be no sun, stars left to ignite as the distance between each will be trillion times than present, and there will only be black holes left, consuming everything on its path. Ok, you don’t have to follow everything coz I haven’t started discussion yet.. Hang on :)
5. So, there will be literally nothing, not a single energy source left for life to survive. Not only humans, not a single alien species will survive coz the universe will be cold and dark, just as the Norse people predicted.
So, what do we do? Answer is simple, you can’t do anything! This is gonna happen and we are literally helpless.
Ok ok wait, lemme calm down a bit, so that you guys can stay with me. You might be asking, why do even bother reading this crap as this is gonna happen trillions of years later. The possibility of human survival till that time is a joke. Well yes, it is a joke, but I do like to see the future with people living not only in earth, but also in colonies of alpha centurion (a favorable system) or keplar 22b. I'm not counting on human apocalypse yet. And, if humans survive upto that day, the expansion of universe is gonna be the greatest threat to mankind. (of course trillions of year left).
So, imagine we survived. And the expanding universe is our nemesis. According to the second law of thermodynamics, the heat you lost can't be refilled. So, the sun and stars lost all the fuel. No hydrogen to fuse, it’s gonna be worse than freezing. Plants won't survive moreover; you'll freeze to death before you even know. You will know this was coming, but there is nothing to do literally.
All doors are shut. You will die but there is hope. Yep, hope!


2. Time travel paradox:
We now move on from fact to theoretical physics, simple but theoretical. What if we could travel to past? Bizzare? Not quite, it's possible. Thanks the Stephen Hawkins and Einstein. (well they are kinda rival).
Question is, how? Einstein first said, everything we believe stationary or constant, is really another variable. Example: you're on a couch with happy meal, watching fringe season 4. You think you are not moving, well, think,  you are moving! The earth is rotating, you are covering more than 100km per second. Can you feel? Well I don't :-D
Einstein said, nothing is constant, not even time. So we can literally time travel......right? Well, yes, we can. As space and time both are relative, it is possible. You can literally make a hole in the fabric of universe and travel to past. It’s like, breaking a prison instead of waiting for years for someone to bail you out. Or, you want to go to next room, you don't want to walk all the way around kitchen, just make a hole in the wall and then, there you are!
So why don't we do it? What the hell scientists are doing? Yah lets go back to 80's. Where is the ride? America? The U.S. Gov must have it! Conspiracy!
Being optimistic is good. The time travel is possible, but there is a problem. What if you go back, kill your grandpa before he even gives birth to your dad? So your dad wasn't born, you didn't get birth, ok wait, then who shot poor grandpa? You? Ok I thought there were no you coz there was no dad! Because grandpa died young, coz he died as you shot him. Hello, wait a second! You shot himAren't you supposed to not be there?
Funny I think, this loop is a joke God made when he saw a bunch of apes dancing over equation. If you shot grandpa then there will be no you, coz he died! Then how come you end up at place killing him? This legendary question has a name. It’s called Paradox. This paradox is a pain in the ass for scientists. That's a whole another topic but due to paradox, scientists can neither go in the past neither can achieve any direct theory what happens if paradox occurs. They fear it might cause something catastrophic, rather than saving universe, they might blow it out.
So, there, time travel is out of the equation. What we gonna do then, all hopes lost? Nah, not yet. One and only option left, journey to the parallel universe!


3. Journey to the parallel Universe:

Today you woke up early. You're feeling nauseous, mom asked you to buy adrenaline for your granny. Now you have to decide, either you go to pharmacy or pretend you are sick and not go. You have two choices. Now choose!
If you chose to go to the pharmacy, you are gonna get a real fever but your granny will survive. If you don’t go, that's bad coz your granny's gonna have a stroke and due to lack of medicine, she's gonna die. Her survival depends on whatever choice you make.
You can't make both choices. When you make one, you will be responsible for creating a parallel universe. Bold and simple. If you chose the first, you will create another universe where you chose the second. This way, everyday infinite choices of people are creating infinite universes. They are clustered just like a bunch of bubbles floating around. Same, but different. Even there are infinite numbers of universes in your bedroom also. You just can't see.
Crazy? Yah, but not in my perspective. The universe is expanding. The cosmological apocalypse is approaching. Think for a second, what if you enter a universe where the universe isn't expanding, nor contracting. Space is stable. It’s there; you only need to find a door to go. The cool thing is, you might even find another version of yourself who have two mac's, or razer ultra gaming pc, or you might not even find yourself, as your mom had miscarriage during your birth. Or, you are the prince of Arab. This is where science meets its ultimate nemesis, probability. You never know what you will find on the other side,infinite possibilities. But, it's sure one hell of a ticket for survival!


4. Door of survival:
So, as crazy as it sounds, travelling to the other universe is our only option. You might wanna gather some alien friends by than coz human can't pull it all alone.
You need to create a wormhole.  A wormhole is a theoretical tunnel which is a bridge between universes, infinite spaces, and time. Yes you can reach your favorite star using wormhole or travel to 1610 when Templar’s were brutally locked and burned to death by the church. Or, you can meet your other self who won 7 days free ticket to Malibu. Problem is, you don't wanna time travel as it creates paradox. But it is possible to do the rest two: travel in infinite space or travel to another universe.
So let's get back on how to create a wormhole and travel to parallel universe. You won't get exact answers by scientists. Here's the process I gathered investigating documentaries.
This is 96 percent accurate (for now) and I don’t recall all the names of the people I saw in all those documentaries. But, it is in fact a combined theoretical derivation.
  1. Determining the perfect universe: determining the universe in which space is a constant is hard. But, not that hard. It’s just a child’s math of probability that we did in 2nd year of milestone or rajuk or kuddus govt college. Imagine, you have one coin, hidden under any one of 3 buckets. The probability of choosing the perfect bucket is 33.33333333333333….33333334%. What if you shake one bucket. If you don’t feel the coin inside, then the probability of choosing the correct bucket has increased to 50.00%. Scientist can easily check any of the variables of adjacent universe and find the exact one. Not that tough for people with long curly hair. 
  2. Weak spot in the fabric of universe: Now that we got our destined universe, we need to find the perfect spot to drill the machine. Lemme cut the chase; it can be done using motion and rotation of blackhole and measuring the angle of incidence of light absorbed by the blackhole. (now don’t ask me what a blackhole is,….okay, one word: gigantic fucked up dead star with zero mass and infinite density) 
  3.  A Very Large Particle Accelerator: It’s time to drill! Now as we have the weak spot and destined universe, we create a drilling machine. I’ll tell you what a particle accelerator is, because the whole point of writing this is for people who like to read when they are high (not preferring alcoholics duh! I meant when they are relaxing) All matter is made of fundamental particles. Quarks, neutrinos, mesons and higgs are mentionable particles which makes protons. A proton is also made up of 100’s of more particles (mentioning is useless). They even have a periodic table for fundamental particle which is the ugliest table I saw till. Don’t ask me what a proton is coz, if u are not familiar with electron proton neutron at this point, I don’t know what you understood till now. No disrespect, let’s get back to the topic. A particle accelerator is a veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy large circular coil used to accelerate two protons in opposite direction, so that they collide and break up into fundamental particles and superparticles (which is even fuckin smaller). Scientist used this to detect higgs boson, but now that they have discovered, it’s just a pile of metal rust ruining four major cities. But it’s not that useless, a particle accelerator produces several hundred times energy than nuclear fission or fusion, or matter-antimatter annihilation. And it acts at a single miniature point. It literally creates mini big bang. To drill the hole, the radius of the particle accelerator should be more or less equal to the radius of our solar system (I told you, you need help of aliens). Or, you can just compress it to the size that CERN has, but, you need to make your two protons very fast, trillions time faster than light![ V=(10^24)c ms^(-1) where c is the velocity of light] 
  4. Negative Matter: That’s a big chapter. I will just give you one clue. Negative matter shows antigravity, that is, instead of attracting, it deflects other particle. AS soon as the hole is created by the particle accelerator, we need to insert a pile of negative mass into the hole. Its gonna keep our wormhole wide and stable for while, making enough gap for you to pass. 
  5. Nanotechnology: Remember, you don’t know what’s out there. Nobodies willing to die for fiction. So, you need nanotech. Nanotechs are technology which is made by the alternation of fundamental particles in the subatomic level. They are able to communicate even through universe fabric. Don’t you mistake it for Walton android touch set or Samsung, or even iPad. You need to send nanotech probes to other universe first to know if it is habitable. If the answer is positive, you may go! (but don’t expect to return back, not possible, make sure you bought enough calories)
So there, that’s your blueprint. Guess what, humankind may survive indeed! There is a possibility. And remember, when you are in the other universe, just don’t care about paradoxes. It’s not your universe, that’s not your grandpa, that’s other yours grandpa. So kill them both, no paradox will occur. And, that’s the universe where there will be no cosmological apocalypse!  So literally- Have fun! It’s a long shot, but not impossible.
This whole writing was about the process of traveling to the parallel universe and,about the reason for travelling. It’s not 100 percent accurate, I may have missed points and made cruel jokes, but you’ll forgive me anyway, wont you? :D Ask question if you have one in the comment. I’ll try my best. And, I wrote the whole thing, 3 days long work, I would really appreciate you reading this. God bless us all. -Junaed